This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
