i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
