i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
