I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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