my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Your cock deserves a montage
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
