My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
