this beer tastes like vomit already
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
