She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
