I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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