the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
