I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
