i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We got so high we made milksteak
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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