Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
