It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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