I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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