U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
