I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
