So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Randomize
