thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
