God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
ttyl tear gas
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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