someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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