Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
