peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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