so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
