Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
