I have demons in me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
