I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
