someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
