look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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