I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
