Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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