brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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