Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
