A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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