So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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