he puts the penis in happiness.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
