just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
