You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
