im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
