Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
