I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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