So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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