Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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