I hate all girls vehemently.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
