I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
