I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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