Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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