Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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