I accidentally had phone sex last night
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
