I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
