He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
